#VOWrepair: The Journey of the Warrior

The thing to know is that, for me, repair does not mean to make whole. It does not mean to complete. It does not mean to make anew.

Repair means to fix or mend (a thing suffering from damage or a fault).

I like that.

You fix things you care about. You mend things you need in your life. Sometimes you just work on things, refurbishing them, for no other reason than love.

And sometimes you don’t do those things for all the same reasons. You walk away because you care, for no other reason than love.

I sat on the beach early on in the week. Or rather I lie there. And I didn’t try to fix or mend anything. Nor did I try to walk away. I was simply still.

The day after I came back, I saw Glennon Doyle speak on Thursday night, and it was completely perfect.

That’s the thing I’m learning to trust, by the way, that the Universe Buddha God, sometimes brings beaches and books and bold fucking females to you exactly when you need them.

Anyway, she talked about the thing that I highlighted and underlined (yes, I do both—highlighting is a for passages that speak, and underlines are for points within that do) when I first read Love Warrior.

She was writing about Bikram (something I have a close personal relationship with) and a Pema Chödrön passage about the journey of the warrior:

So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that   restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior.

Glennon reflects:

What if pain—like love—is just a place brave people visit? What if both require presence, staying on your mat, and being still? If this is true, then maybe instead of resisting pain, I need to resist the easy buttons. Maybe my reliance on numbing is keeping me from the things I was born for: learning and loving. I could go on hitting easy buttons until I die and feel no pain, but the cost of that decision could be that I will never learn, love, or be truly alive.

That’s #VOWrepair.

It’s about caring enough about what you went through to let it cause you pain. And valuing that experience and loving yourself enough to be worthy of what that pain could teach you.

As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “Ruin is the road to transformation.”

And as you know, Sister and I are big fans of that road and the women who have helped us learn how walk it (Brené first and foremost, followed by Elizabeth and Glennon and Cheryl).

And this week, we continue on with the journey of the warrior as we…

REACH.


Steph’s EXPLORE mantra: We are not meant to stay wounded.

Steph’s Song of the Week: Hard Feelings/Loveless by Lorde

& Lin’s taking a bye week for #VOWrepair but meet her back here for #VOWreach.

Exactly This…

Today’s TED is from Tim Ferriss on Why you should define your fears instead of your goals.

“The hard choices — what we most fear doing, asking, saying — are very often exactly what we need to do. How can we overcome self-paralysis and take action? Tim Ferriss encourages us to fully envision and write down our fears in detail, in a simple but powerful exercise he calls “fear-setting.” Learn more about how this practice can help you thrive in high-stress environments and separate what you can control from what you cannot.”

Tim discusses how to work through our worst fears by listing what we’re afraid of, define what the fears are, ways to prevent it, and ways you can REPAIR the damage if it comes to fruition.

Then he asks you review the benefits at just trying whatever you’re questioning… and the cost of inaction.

Sometimes #VOWrepair is about doing all we can to avoid disaster. Sometimes it is about fixing what is broken. And sometimes it’s just about thinking things through to figure out a solution you don’t immediately see.

Watch the full talk above (or here).

#VOWexplore: A State of Mind?

I’m headed to the beach on Monday, when I’m normally writing and publishing these posts, so I got started a bit early…

To be honest, I’d probably have more to say about #VOWexplore next week, after I return from my trip, but by Sunday, we will already be moving on to a different verb, so I need to post what I know about it now.

Note: I paused right here to look up what our next VOW is, and I just shook my head in disbelief: Repair. Universe Buddha God, I gotta hand it to you…you’re good.

It’s no secret to you, my dear readers (that could potentially be limited to my sister), that I am heartbroken, and to be quite honest, exploring anything other than my bed and bottles of wine is not what I wanted to do (yes, this is numbing Brene fans, but I gave myself a limit that my sister will keep me accountable to, so please give me some grace). I did drag myself out of my house to an event with a true lady boss on Tuesday, to a storytelling class on Wednesday, and to my favorite bookstore (and sanctuary) on Thursday. I have plans to go dancing with girlfriends and lounge at a pool with my bestie this weekend, and I booked a solo trip to the beach early next week. Last night, I even managed to clean my apartment (minus a HUGE, monumental even, basket of laundry to fold…I hate folding laundry).

Honestly, I think that’s a pretty good first heartbreak week (though I only did all that stuff because it happened to be scheduled—had it not, I probably would have stayed in bed).

But tonight, I have zero interest in doing anything, because I am sick of looking around. Because what I didn’t tell you, besides having a packed week, is that I spent a lot of time inside my heard cleaning out metaphorical closets and throwing shit on the floor; it’s a huge mess.

There’s nearly two years of memories just lying around. Everywhere. There are questions sitting in a pile that need to be picked up and sorted through. There are what-if’s collecting like dust on surfaces. There’s a big you-made-a-mistake hiding under the bed. And in the corner sits a still small voice, cowering from the many things I threw at it.

I spent the week exploring that space. Trying to clean it up. In order to find something. However, I mainly spent time putting things in boxes and taking them right back out again, making no progress at all.

And I guess that’s the thing about exploring…it requires perspective. You can travel across the world, to a place you’ve never been, and still see nothing new. You can choose to see just another body of water and just another building. You can go for a walk in the neighborhood where you’ve lived for five years, taking the same route you take every day, and see an alley you’ve never noticed though you pass it every day.

The thing is: I’m just not ready yet.

To clean it up.

It needs to stay as it is for now. Until I stop throwing things at my house elf of an intuition.

Until I give her some socks and set her free and see what happens.

And yes, I am fucking proud of that last Harry Potter reference.

This coming week, I’m heading to a little cottage on the beach that I’ve rented for myself. To relax. To read. To just be. To potentially start to…

REPAIR.


Steph’s EXPLORE mantra: When the climb gets harder, make your world smaller.

Steph’s Song of the Week: The Black and White by The Band Camino

& Don’t miss Lin’s post on #VOWexplore (coming soon!).