#VOWenhance, #VOWsuspend, & Parting Clouds

For a couple weeks now, since #VOWenhance (yes, this my very late post), I’ve been thinking a lot about the various things and people in my life. Doing a bit of a mental inventory. Taking stock. Trying to figure out who and what I may need a bit of a break (this coming week’s VOW) from. Or what I need to add to days that may make them a bit better.

But last week, amidst this inner work and as life sometimes has it, I had to pause (or, more fitting, #VOWsuspend–yes, I am doing a combination post).

My body’s always been pretty sensitive to the seasonal changes, and this fall is no different. Last week had me sequestered in my bed for most of it, and by the time I was feeling better, Tadpole (my little black fur baby) was not. A few very long days and sleepless nights (plus at least 30 loads of laundry, 20 trash bags, and hours and hours of vacuuming) later, he and my apartment are seemingly flea free (though I am certain I feel them crawling all over me).

I can’t even tell you how ready I am for a #VOWbreak. From cleaning. From combing. From washing. From this city. From its nearly 90-degree weather. From work. From wine. From feeling alone. From being alone in my apartment. From feeling like not enough and all too much all at once.

And the thing is, over the last couple weeks, the answers to the questions I’ve been asking have shown up, and, for the first time in a couple months, I see the clouds parting, not completely, but the clearing is starting.

And I need the sun to

Break.


Steph’s Song of the Week: Need the Sun to Break by James Bay

& Don’t Miss Lin’s #VOWsuspend post (coming soon).

Reflections on #VOWbalance: Ask & You Shall Receive

I’ve been saying for nearly two months that something feels off.
Out of alignment.
Off balance.

I haven’t known what it was, despite my efforts to find out.
To be honest, I am not sure that I know now.

What I am sure of, at the core of my being, is that what Paulo Coehlo wrote in The Alchemist is true:

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

I know what I want.
And I am ready for it.
Or nearly.

And walking home on Friday night, I told a friend as much.
I told her what, or rather, who, needed to leave my life,
despite the fact that I also didn’t want him to.
Upon waking up on Saturday and one phone call later, he was gone.

Someone who has been a constant in my life for the past two months, isn’t any longer, and somehow, despite the sadness, I wonder if it wasn’t the very thing causing my lack of homeostasis.

Because I know, more now than ever, how much power our minds have.
How accurate those soul-deep inclinations are.
How much power our minds have to change our lives.

And this week, I aim to

ENHANCE

my life.


Steph’s BALANCE mantra: Sell the goat.

Steph’s Song of the Week: I Almost Do by Taylor Swift

& Don’t Miss Lin’s #VOWbalance post