Teeter: Reflecting on #BALANCE

Grad school assignments. My first cases of the school year. OCR revelations (and what it means for my field). Prioritizing 5:00 workouts. Quality time with my fella. Catching up with my long-distance people.

Last week I felt the strain of keeping all my balls in the air. Obviously some dropped (i.e. my #VOWprotect post, sorry…). Life felt like an unrelenting personal game of Jenga. I managed to lightly knock a brick out of a precarious position and rest it on top, but everything is swiveling around that it is only a matter of time before everything clatters. It took concentration and energy but goddamn if it doesn’t cause for a mini celebration after each successful turn.

There have been other times when I’ve struggled with keeping my BALANCE. Those were days before I fell in love with Brene Brown and she taught me the dangers of perfectionism. I can gratefully now say that despite the bustle of almost too many tasks, I managed to keep things aligned. Similar to standing bow, you tend to topple when you focus too much on the act of balancing itself. Overthink things and you’ll wobble. But determinedly fixate on one spot ahead of you in the distance and things will seem to fall into place. That was my week — not set in stone but not too wavering, either.

And amazingly, I’m starting to reap some rewards of my efforts — such as an offer to possibly instruct a class next autumn. Or maybe moonlighting as a research assistant for a respectable study. More things to juggle for sure, but definitely well worth the effort. All it takes is practice.

 

This week we not only keep the status quo but we level up as we ENHANCE


Lin’s VOW mantra: 

Lin’s SOW (Song of the Week): Mercy by Katy Flower


Be sure to check out Steph’s lovely #VOWbalance post here

Reflections on #VOWbalance: Ask & You Shall Receive

I’ve been saying for nearly two months that something feels off.
Out of alignment.
Off balance.

I haven’t known what it was, despite my efforts to find out.
To be honest, I am not sure that I know now.

What I am sure of, at the core of my being, is that what Paulo Coehlo wrote in The Alchemist is true:

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

I know what I want.
And I am ready for it.
Or nearly.

And walking home on Friday night, I told a friend as much.
I told her what, or rather, who, needed to leave my life,
despite the fact that I also didn’t want him to.
Upon waking up on Saturday and one phone call later, he was gone.

Someone who has been a constant in my life for the past two months, isn’t any longer, and somehow, despite the sadness, I wonder if it wasn’t the very thing causing my lack of homeostasis.

Because I know, more now than ever, how much power our minds have.
How accurate those soul-deep inclinations are.
How much power our minds have to change our lives.

And this week, I aim to

ENHANCE

my life.


Steph’s BALANCE mantra: Sell the goat.

Steph’s Song of the Week: I Almost Do by Taylor Swift

& Don’t Miss Lin’s #VOWbalance post

Pendulum Swings + Disconnect = #VOWprotect

I’ve been struggling for weeks to find balance (Ironic that it’s this week’s VOW right?). Months actually. All I seem to be able to do is pendulum swing. Physically. Emotionally. Professionally. Artistically.

I spent all of last week thinking about why I am doing what I am doing (or not doing). Why I feel so disconnected from myself.  From my life. I hypothesized to Sister that it had something to do with #VOWprotect. That I’ve been trying to shield myself from something. I just didn’t know what or why.

Enter Brené Brown and her new book, Braving the Wilderness:

We all agreed that we get the lonely feeling in places that don’t feel alive with connection….I think places themselves, not just people, can hold those feelings of disconnection too. Sometimes a place can feel lonely because of some sense of a lack of closeness in the relationships that happen in that space. Other times, I think the inability to visualize yourself in connection with people you care about in a particular place that makes a space feel lonely on its own….When we feel isolated, disconnected, and lonely, we try to protect ourselves. In that mode, we want to connect, but our brain is attempting to override connection with self-protection. That means less empathy, more defensiveness, more numbing, and less sleeping.

Disconnection leading to self-protection? Yep. That’s it. That’s what I’d been trying to articulate.

I spend a lot of time alone these days simply due to the fact that I am single and live in my own apartment. That doesn’t bother me. I need more alone time than I used to. I’m  a little more introverted now. But lately, something’s different. I feel less at home in my space. It feels emptier than it used to, despite the fact that it’s more full than it’s ever been. I’m feeling disconnected from my body. Like I don’t know how to move it. How to feed it. Like it’s not quite mine. I feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be at the moment but closer than I’ve ever been to what I want. Like I’m just in a holding pattern. Circling.

It’s like I know where I need to go. Where I want to go. What I want to do. But I can’t get there or do those things right now. Maybe the timing isn’t quite right or I’m not quite ready. And instead of striving towards them anyway, manifesting them by assuming they are a given, I’m headed the other direction. Trying to make peace with and adjust to a life that I don’t want and truly don’t believe is meant for me. Because maybe, if I can adjust to it, I won’t be as disappointed if the one I want doesn’t come through.

And all this self-protection is just disconnecting me.
It feels inauthentic.

So this week, I seek

BALANCE.


Steph’s PROTECT mantra: There’s nothing negative about running away to save my life. (Joseph Heller)

Steph’s Song of the Week: Spirit of a Storm by Kenny Chesney

& Don’t Miss Lin’s #VOWprotect post (coming soon).