On Choosing #VOWnarrow

Sister asked me in an email yesterday where I thought Narrow would take me; she told me that she was going to post this week on why she chose Expand.

Seems like I should do the same. Tell you why I chose my #OneWord2018.

So I will.

But first I need to talk about my sister.

She’s always doing that to me. Asking the tough questions. Challenging me to explain—not to justify something to her but to make sure I am thinking things through, talking them out, processing.

Let me be honest, sometimes it hurts. And it’s caused a disagreement or two along the way. Sometimes I hate that I can always hear her voice in my head. But she’s always there. She always shows up.

My sister was my first real tribe. Don’t get me wrong—I love the family I was born into. We are tribe too, even if it took us a while to get there. But the first family member I chose, she taught me how to choose my family.

At a New Year’s Eve celebration on Sunday night, I was talking to one of the hosts. She and her best friend have this bond that blows me away, and she said this thing that I can’t get out of my mind. She told me that she thinks the reason they are the way they are, the reason their friendship has stayed rock solid for a decade plus, is that they keep showing up. Busy, stressed, unshowered, at work, across the country, in love…It doesn’t matter. They just always make sure to show up for each other.

And it dawned on me that that is the basis of friendship and even romance. It’s everything about tribe. Showing up.

I don’t know if I can say that I did that to the best of my ability last year.

So Narrow is partially about those things. It’s about Tribe. It’s about making choices, choosing, and showing up.

.  .  .

I think Narrow is also about those voices in my head. Not just my sister’s. But the others—the ones from the past, the ones on the news, my ego’s, and mine. All of them.

It’s about talking less. It’s about getting quiet more. It’s about listening.

To the thing I know to be true.

.  .  .

I have spent the past few years building. Trying new things. Taking classes. Learning more skills. Experimenting. Meeting new people. Getting back in touch with old ones. Letting go of others.

I know very much I am still becoming. I’ll probably always be. And I want that.

But I also know that I have a good handle on the woman I am.
Virtues. Vices. Confidences. Insecurities.

I am getting clearer on who I want her to be.
What it is that I want from that woman.
From a man.
From a job.
From this life.

Narrow is about making choices that align with those things.
About listening to pings from the Universe.
About saying no to what doesn’t set my soul on fire.
About saying yes when I know in my gut that’s what I am supposed to do.

 

 

2 thoughts on “On Choosing #VOWnarrow

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