The thing to know is that, for me, repair does not mean to make whole. It does not mean to complete. It does not mean to make anew.
Repair means to fix or mend (a thing suffering from damage or a fault).
I like that.
You fix things you care about. You mend things you need in your life. Sometimes you just work on things, refurbishing them, for no other reason than love.
And sometimes you don’t do those things for all the same reasons. You walk away because you care, for no other reason than love.
I sat on the beach early on in the week. Or rather I lie there. And I didn’t try to fix or mend anything. Nor did I try to walk away. I was simply still.
The day after I came back, I saw Glennon Doyle speak on Thursday night, and it was completely perfect.
That’s the thing I’m learning to trust, by the way, that the Universe Buddha God, sometimes brings beaches and books and bold fucking females to you exactly when you need them.
Anyway, she talked about the thing that I highlighted and underlined (yes, I do both—highlighting is a for passages that speak, and underlines are for points within that do) when I first read Love Warrior.
She was writing about Bikram (something I have a close personal relationship with) and a Pema Chödrön passage about the journey of the warrior:
So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior.
What if pain—like love—is just a place brave people visit? What if both require presence, staying on your mat, and being still? If this is true, then maybe instead of resisting pain, I need to resist the easy buttons. Maybe my reliance on numbing is keeping me from the things I was born for: learning and loving. I could go on hitting easy buttons until I die and feel no pain, but the cost of that decision could be that I will never learn, love, or be truly alive.
It’s about caring enough about what you went through to let it cause you pain. And valuing that experience and loving yourself enough to be worthy of what that pain could teach you.
As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “Ruin is the road to transformation.”
And as you know, Sister and I are big fans of that road and the women who have helped us learn how walk it (Brené first and foremost, followed by Elizabeth and Glennon and Cheryl).
And this week, we continue on with the journey of the warrior as we…
Steph’s EXPLORE mantra: We are not meant to stay wounded.
Steph’s Song of the Week: Hard Feelings/Loveless by Lorde
& Don’t miss Lin’s post on #VOWrepair (coming soon!).