I read this quote the other day, which I posted to The Vow Venture’s IG feed:
“When I write notes in my journal, I am just trying to scribble down as much as possible. Later on, I decide whether to follow some of those first impressions or whether to abandon them.”
And yesterday, as I came to our site to digitally pen my #VOWscribble post, I lived the those words. I sat down at my laptop and, as Hemmingway put it, bled.
Out of me poured years of bright red pain, feelings of unworthiness, unfulfilled wishes, disappointed expectations, projected standards, soul-deep jealousies, recent revelations, broken relationships, and immeasurable loss.
And then, when it came time to publish it, I just couldn’t. Not because they were first impressions or even initial reactions, but because, as Kristen Tippett once wrote:
I think that the truth of that poem is not about true things or things that happened, bur rather in the question are we not of interest to each other….Are we human beings who are in community, do we call to each other? Do we heed each other? Do we want to know each other? To reach across what can be a huge void between human beings….I crave knowing them that deeply. And so it’s most intense with one’s beloveds, but I think it’s a way to move in the world. And if we don’t do that with language that’s very, very, very precise–not prissy, but precise–then are we truly knowing each other?
The thing about scribbles, is that I believe they have the power to save our sanity, but as I have learned all to well and all to recently, words make worlds…or destroy them. And sometimes we should take what we can from our scribbles and then let them go–unfinished, untyped, unpublished, and unsaid.
I will not stop writing my story or speaking my truth, because, as Krista Tippett also wrote, we crave truth tellers, but I will let those scribbles go, because they need reframed and reexperienced from a different angle so they can be of service to someone or something. Not just blood pooled all over a very expensive laptop.
THIS WEEK LET’s RELISH…
Be sure to catch Lin’s #VOWscribble post. (Coming soon!)